Becky Bloom is still very upset after seeing her boyfriend enable her friend’s boyfriend to cheat. She still has a lot to say to him and regrets destroying her phone in anger…. So one of her animal friends offers to take the message for her. 1,934 words.
The world of Shadow Oaks is owned by TheStalkerBunny on tumblr. It is a brilliant piece of work and I recommend reading more about it HERE.
afab & queer-specific relationship trauma
Becky sniffed at the ground, nibbling at the grass as she wandered slowly after the rest of the herd.
The events of yesterday still had her rattled. Even after spending today with the deer, everything felt hopeless. And rotten. And pointless.
Even after Adam and Portia had come looking for her earlier today, and tried to convince her to come home, her entire soul still felt like it had sunken to her feet.
It was nice to know they still cared— But she couldn’t go home.
She’d have to be a person, if she went home. And the thought of that made her feel sick to her stomach.
Or maybe it was the cheesesteak Adam had given her that was making her sick.
She’d been her usual self while she’d eaten it, but now she was a deer and… well. Deer stomachs didn’t exactly do well with meat and dairy….
Becky took a mouthful of grass and looked up to the rest of the herd.
She wished she could mimic their pelts, better. They were all dull, solid brown does. While she was white-speckled, with a bright orange-red colour to her.
It reminded her too much of her hair….
At least she’d finally figured out how to keep her clothes on, during her transformation.
Becky let out a sigh and hurried to catch up with the herd.
She wished she hadn’t broken her phone.
She really wished she hadn’t broken her phone.
She should have picked up, when Jareth called her, and told him exactly why she was angry. Instead of just telling him she was mad and then smashing her only way to communicate with people.
Well… not her only way to communicate with people. She knew the Animal Messenger spell. Even if she wasn’t… super good at it yet.
Hmp. Maybe she could send a bird to Jareth’s house to shout at him for her.
She shook herself out.
She was angry enough to do it, though she wasn’t sure that was the best idea. Jareth had always been patient with her, and she wanted to be patient with him, but….
The thought of what he’d done to Jezzibeth made her blood boil.
It made her so, so angry to even just think about what he had done to her friend that her entire body began to tremble.
One of the does brushed against Becky gently, casting her a sympathetic look, and she let out a long breath.
Deep breath. Stay calm.
‘You’re thinking about your buck again, aren’t you?’ the doe asked.
‘I can’t believe he would DO that!’ Becky snapped, stomping her hooves furiously. ‘To her! To me! To everyone! UGH!’
The herd slowed to a stop as Becky turned and kicked at a tree. They stood still, watching her calmly, as she vented her frustrations, before several of them approached her and began to guide her back along the path.
‘It’s, like— Not even just hurting Jezzibeth and me!’ she rambled. ‘It’s going to cause problems for all of our mutual friends! Like— He has, like, the entire town to fuck, but he goes and makes out with the one person that’s in a monogamous relationship?! The one person who was off limits?! Like! What the hell! And he knew I was scared of Guillmero hurting Jezzibeth! I told him that I was scared of this exact thing happening, and then its like he, like, went out of his way or something to make my fear come true?! Like! What the hell!’
‘That’s bucks for you,’ said one of the does.
‘Mmmhm,’ agreed another.
‘UGH!’ Becky let out a snort, and stomped her hoof again. ‘I’m going to lose my mind! I, like, swear to god! I swear to god, I’m going to lose it if I see him! Like! If he made out with anyone else I’d be, like, fine with it! It’d be, like. Ooooh! Good on you! Get some baby! But— NO! The one person that he knew I was worried about! That’d be, like, if I went and made out with Mattel again or something!’
‘Mhm, right,’ the does agreed.
‘Let it out.’
‘I just— I want to go and scream at him!’ Becky exclaimed. ‘But I know I can’t! For like, more than one reason! Like. If I go back into town, I’m gonna end up like, locked up or something. And like. Also. Like. He’s always been so patient with me and it feels like its not fair to be angry about this but— I like— I can’t be patient with this! Like. I don’t want to be mad at him, but also, like— Like I can’t not be mad at him?! You know?!’
‘Mhm, I do.’
‘I want to stomp on him!’ Becky growled, slamming her hooves into the ground. ‘I want to stomp on him, and tell him how angry I am!’
‘I could stomp on him, for you,’ came the voice of Tenderhoof. ‘I snapped a buck’s antlers clean off his head, once.’
Becky let out a long, frustrated sigh, and hung her head as she continued along the trail. ‘N… No. No, it wouldn’t fix anything. And it wouldn’t make me feel better. I just… I want him to understand how I feel, you know?’
‘You underestimate the therapeutic effects of a good stomping,’ Tenderhoof said, humorously. ‘But, I understand what you mean…. If you want, I could take him a message for you.’
‘Maybe,’ Becky said. ‘I mean. There’s a lot I want to say to him. Like, a LOT. But he’s in town.’
‘I’m not scared of town,’ said Tenderhoof. Then, after a pause, she licked Becky’s cheek. ‘Druids naturally know how to send Animal Messengers, correct? Just use that magic on me, and I’ll tell this Jareth of yours whatever you need me to tell him.’
‘Let me do this for you,’ Tenderhoof pressed. ‘I don’t think you’re going to feel any better, until you know that he knows your feelings.’
‘Mm… okay, I guess,’ Becky took a deep breath and, coming to a stop, turned back into her half-elf self. ‘If you’re sure.’
‘Yes, I am,’ said Tenderhoof. ‘Now, firstly. What does he look like, and where can I find him?’
‘Well, he’s… an orc,’ said Becky. ‘My age. Green skin. Um…. Hair that’s like. Dyed orange-ish and like, slicked back. He’s really handsome. Like. really, really handsome. And strong. And he has this really nice leather jacket, and like. Scarification tattoos up his arm— His left one. And… he’s really… nice….’
Becky felt herself trailing off as she described Jareth. Tears were threatening to come to her eyes, and she had to bite her lip to warn them away.
‘And where do I find this handsome orc?’ Tenderhoof asked. ‘You mentioned your school, earlier today. Would he be there?’
‘Uh— P-Probably, but, like— Don’t… don’t deliver the message to him in school,’ Becky quickly stammered. ‘Like. Not… in front of people, you know? It’s like. A private thing? I dunno. Maybe like… hm. His house might be hard to find, but his parents, like, own this tattoo parlour. He kinda. Spends a lot of time there. It’s not completely private but it’s better than… in front of the whole school.’
Tenderhoof gave a slow nod. ‘If you say so…. Now… your message?’
‘Uh… hm…. Ahem,’ Becky cleared her throat, before gently placing a hand on Tenderhoof’s neck. A dull glow formed where their skin touched, and Becky knew her magic was working. ‘Jareth? I’m… I’m really upset at you,’ she started, trying to keep her voice even, even though just saying Jareth’s name out loud made her stiff with anger. ‘I can’t believe you would do that to Jezzibeth. Like…. I never thought you’d like. Hurt one of our friends like that.’
Becky felt her voice quiver, and took a deep breath.
‘I’m not upset that you kissed someone else. That’s— That doesn’t matter to me,’ she said, feeling the words come out stiffly as she tried to push down the harsh tone that was trying to find its way out of her. ‘You know I’m fine with you having other partners. It’s just— I’m upset that you kissed Jezzibeth’s boyfriend!’
The harsh tone escaped her as she said Jezzibeth’s name, and she took a deep breath. Though it didn’t really help; it just made her voice tremble more as her eyes teared up and her heart tried to push its way into her throat.
‘You know they’re monogamous. And you knew how scared I was that he was going to cheat on her! You have the entire town, but you chose to hurt our friend! And I can’t— I can’t believe you would do that!’
Another deep breath, accompanied by a sniff, and she felt a tear escape her eye.
‘You know how I feel about cheating! You know how people treat me for being polyamorous! That they say that, like, I’m just cheating with extra steps! And now you’re just proving them all right by enabling Guillmero! Because now they’re gonna say that’s just what we do! That we don’t have that boundary and that’s just how we are! And I’ve tried so hard to fight that, and prove that what people say about my sexuality isn’t true! And you just—‘
The waver in her voice grew as more tears rolled down her cheeks.
‘You just don’t understand, Jareth! What it’s like to be a polyamorous woman! For you it’s fine to sleep around! They don’t treat you like they treat me! You’re a player and a stud and boys will be boys and— And for me— I’m just a slut! I’m a dirty whore, who should just keep her legs closed and settle down and make a choice! I’m a fetish to them! And my sexuality is treated like some sort of crime, just because I’m a woman! And you don’t get it!’
Her voice stopped wavering, instead completely breaking into tears.
‘You’re the one person I’ve always trusted! You’re the one person I’ve always, always trusted— But I can’t! I can’t trust you! Not when I know you’re willing to hurt the people you’re supposed to care about! A-And I’m not trying to restrict you. I’m not trying to tell you that you can’t have fun with other people— Because you can it’s just that I— I can’t— I just can’t believe you would do that to Jezzibeth! She doesn’t deserve that! She—‘
Becky took a long, messy breath in, before wiping her eyes and breathing out slowly.
‘She doesn’t deserve that,’ Becky repeated, trying to force her voice to be even again; though it was clear she was still crying. ‘I… I think that…. I’ve decided I don’t want to come home. I’m going to stay in the woods, with some friends of mine. Because I’m just— I’m just so tired. Of… everything that comes with being a person. It’s not worth it. Everyone is so determined to hurt each other, for no reason, and I just can’t deal with that anymore. Just… don’t come looking for me. I’m done. Society isn’t for me. I’m going to live here, now. In nature. Eating grass and sleeping in the dirt, like I was born to. Goodbye, Jareth.’
Becky let out a long breath, and let her hand fall from Tenderhoof’s neck. The glowing handprint she’d left slowly faded into nothing before Tenderhoof shook herself out and started down the trail.
‘I’ll be back, soon,’ she told the herd. ‘Go to the clearing without me. I’ll catch up.’
Support the Author:
Make a one-time donation
Make a monthly donation
Make a yearly donation
Choose an amount
Or enter a custom amount
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly