A collaborative short with my friend Vanessa that takes the format of a text chat between our DND characters. 1,862 words.
The world of Shadow Oaks is owned by TheStalkerBunny on tumblr. It is a brilliant piece of work and I recommend reading more about it HERE.
Malinka: Hey Becky, I have a kinda serious thing I wanna talk about, is now a good time? It’s…..embarrassing, so please promise you’ll keep it between the two of us, ok?
Becky: im gud at keepin secrets
Becky: no body thinks i am tho cos im so gud nobody even nos i HAVE secrets
Malinka: Okay but this one is EMBARRASSING there’s completely different stakes this time.
Becky: that ok i can tell u sumthin embarassing if u like n then u hav eqil grund with me
Malinka: Ummm no that’s okay. You don’t have to.
Malinka: I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page first.
Malinka: Also: promise you won’t make fun of me? :c
Becky: of corse i wont make fun of u!!!
Becky: is it that embarasing?
Malinka: Okay so
Malinka: Baloney and I are like
Malinka: Becoming *intimate*
Malinka: I don’t know what I’m doing
Malinka: Pls help?
Becky: intimate like… sex?
Malinka: Unless there’s some other kind of intimate that I’m unaware of
Becky: theres lots of typs of intimat
Becky: platonic intimac is big !
Becky: like me n jezzi 🙂
Becky: we r friends but no thing sex
Becky: but like good call telling me not 2 make fun
Becky: cos like
Becky: i wuld have LOL u saw me wen adam did
Malinka: …………yes I mean sex.
Malinka: Look, I don’t……have the same “experience” you do.
Becky: that ok
Becky: ok like
Becky: most important quston 4 u
Becky: do u trust balomby with ur hole sole ?
Malinka: Becky there are so many things wrong with what you just said I don’t even know where to begin
Malinka: YES I trust him.
Malinka: But I don’t wanna look DUMB
Malinka: Or make a mistake or even hurt him or something!
Malinka: I don’t know what could go wrong!!
Becky: o ye lots can go rong
Becky: but like no thing worth stressing over
Becky: also frum wat i no balony is a vigin 2 so like he has nothing 2 compar u 2
Becky: u r a virgo rite?
Malinka: okay i know i said not to make fun of me but that doesn’t mean you can be mean to baloney either
Becky: not bean mean??
Malinka: ………..yes i am a virgin.
Malinka: hence why I am asking you. For advice.
Malinka: have…..have you ever slept with a Tabaxi before?
Malinka: Not that it matters a lot I guess but,
Malinka: It’d be good to know that you know what the anatomy is like, y’know?
Malinka: I think
Malinka: I mean, for all I know it might not
Becky: oh ye lol ive slept with loads of taxis before
Becky: ive gotten loads of loads if u will
Becky: it doessnt really matter accept that u might want to at lest look at sum pics be 4 u go 2 balon y cos some times they look funny and u dont want to laugh at it
Malinka: okay before we go any further: don’t call us ‘taxis’
Malinka: It’s not *wrong* but it IS weird
Malinka: And secondly: what…….what do you mean they look ‘funny’
Becky: hav u ever seen a penes b4?
Becky: any race
Becky: they look like if a finger and a fish had a deformed baby and that baby was deflated
Malinka: i mean, i’ve seen pictures?
Malinka: in a book
Becky: medical or porn?
Malinka: ……….thats all I got
Becky: cos they r not the same lol
Malinka: I guess it would fall under ‘medical’
Malinka: DEFINITELY wasn’t porn
Becky: good then u have a better grasp than a lot of girls
Becky: cos if u hav only seen porn u have only seen the 1% of the best
Becky: medical shit preps u for the left hooks
Becky: literally left hooks some do that
Malinka: what do you mean ‘LEFT’
Malinka: I know there’s barbs but
Malinka: is it gonna hurt??
Malinka: how tf are we supposed to use a condom????
Becky: sum just
Becky: go left
Becky: its funny but if u laugh at a left dick u will NOT be have sex trust me boys aparently do not find it as funny as they shuld
Becky: barbs do not hurt theyre like… cartlage
Becky: like portias skin! not pain ful
Malinka: why WHY would you describe it like that
Malinka: now i have to live with that thought in my head
Becky: and their r specal condim s 4 tabaxi i can giv u sum i hav sum from a wile a go just cchek they in date
Becky: if not nbd just go raw lol
Malinka: im…ya know what thats ok i’ll figure something out
Malinka: maybe baloney has some already
Malinka: okay, so like……..
Malinka: do you um
Malinka: start it.
Malinka: like start being sexy i mean.
Becky: o that is a hard 1 like
Becky: my 1st time was uh
Becky: not done 4 a good reson like u. ur doing the good way 🙂
Becky: start by talking 2 him
Becky: tell him u want 2 do stuff
Becky: talking is sexy porn is VERY wrong about it not being sexy
Becky: its ok 2 tell joke and laugh and stuff b4 hand
Becky: ur main goal is 2 b relaxing and happy and 🙂 feelings
Becky: go slow n use hands 1st
Becky: and if it hurts STOP and relax cos people say “oooh it hurts” NO it NOT MEN 2
Malinka: good to know
Malinka: i mean, we’ve already kinda discussed it a little
Malinka: i was just thinking like
Malinka: how do you actually get them “in the mood” i guess
Becky: oh uh
Becky: well i usually just ask n most people i ask r already horny LOL but
Becky: put on a nice movie that you dont have to pay atntion 2
Becky: lay close 2 gether
Becky: let him no wat u want with words b4 hand of course but then like
Becky: let him no with little touches
Becky: every boy like different place. most like thigh and chest and neck tho
Becky: littol kissies on his cheek and stuff
Becky: find where he responds 2 and just gently focus on that
Malinka: ok. Thank u.
Malinka: that was
Malinka: anyway: what about like. Cleanup and hygiene and stuff
Malinka: I’d prefer not to make a mess.
Becky: ok 4 clean up
Becky: old towl helps
Becky: condom good 4 that 2
Becky: shower before he cums over (and he shuld shower 2)
Becky: use loob 2
Becky: wrap condom in tissue when dun if u dont want spilling in bin
Becky: PEE AFTERWARDS
Becky: no stress enugh i used 2 not do that
Becky: it bad 4 u very bad
Becky: u do not want fire vagina
Malinka: WHAT DO YOU MEAN
Malinka: BECKY PLEASE TELL ME THATS NOT AS HORRIBLE AS IT SOUNDS
Becky: isa called it a uti
Becky: it wen u get outside backteria in the pee hole by accident
Becky: it feels like ur pussy is on FIRE
Becky: and u gotta get meds from a dr 4 it 2 and that is embarass
Becky: BUT that ONLY happen if u do not CLEAN properly
Becky: so PEE and make balony SHOWER first
Malinka: ummm okay??
Malinka: Baloney’s pretty tidy tho….
Malinka: do i have to pee like, right away?
Becky: sooner better but like u have a 5 min window id give
Becky: like if u do it in the woods n need 2 go home 2 pee that is ok
Becky: also he shuld pee 2 its not as big a deal 4 guys but i red it CAN happen so may b give him head up
Becky: also like
Becky: it can also b mostly avoided if u just
Becky: dont put things that shouldnt b near there… near there
Becky: any way is there any thing else? i have many answers but also like idk wat u no
Malinka: I don’t think so…
Malinka: I mean, I guess I sorta know what to expect now?
Becky: o u NEVER no wat 2 expect with sex
Malinka: That’s……not reassuring
Malinka: goddamnit okay: please tell me whats like, the WORST case scenario.
Malinka: so I can at least be prepared
Malinka: IF it happens
Becky: worse case scenario i can THINK of is u catch on fire
Becky: worst case thats actually ever happen 2 me was uh
Becky: he came
Becky: then he was like
Becky: y do u wanna keep go? girls dont cum
Becky: may or may not have smacked him very hard
Becky: but balon is nice so like
Becky: worst i can imagine with him is like
Becky: candom breaks or he has a bit of trouble with his penis being nervous
Becky: both fixable
Malinka: Okay that’s
Malinka: I can handle that I think
Becky: but like otherwise its just
Becky: sorta like masterbation with a friend involved lol
Becky: just make him do what u like 2 do to urself
Malinka: I don’t
Malinka: Becky I don’t get a lot of privacy in my house
Malinka: Hardly anyone ever knocks
Malinka: My dad BUSTS IN like he’s trying to break my door down sometimes
Malinka: And Bird’s starting to figure out how to open doors + window latches
Becky: oh if u need sum were privat i can like help?
Malinka: Please don’t.
Malinka: I know you’re trying to help but
Malinka: Somehow that is worse
Becky: OH actually other worse case i had was the time i started glowing and accidently tthrew jareth sideways in 2 m y bedside table LOL but thats druid stuff
Malinka: like, ACTUALLY glowing????
Becky: ye GLOWING like a lamp LOL
Becky: ill have 2 show u sum time
Becky: its not a sex thing its like
Becky: wen i get REALLY relax i just
Becky: and im getting better at trigger it! 🙂
Becky: also how is it worse?
Malinka: IT JUST IS!!!
Malinka: I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT
Becky: woa ok relax
Malinka: THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE BECKY THAT IS ALL I THINK
Becky: i ment like i culd chip in 2 get u a hotel room or u culd tell ur dad u were staying at mine over nite lol thats all
Becky: ok tho but b4 you go
Becky: that is good sex shop
Becky: has lots of good help stuff like lub an d condom 🙂 usually get here within week
Malinka: Oh! Um, thanks. Good to know.
Becky: also this
Becky: its tecnicly porn but it is like
Becky: GOOD porn and helpful realistic
Malinka: BECKY DO NOT SEND ME PORN
Becky: y not?
Malinka: I’M LOGGING OFF NOW
Malinka: THERE BETTER NOT BE PORN IN MY MESSAGES WHEN I COME BACK
Becky: ok ok okkkkkkkkk chill
Becky: ilu!! byyyyye
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