A collaborative short with my friend Vanessa that takes the format of a text chat between our DND characters. 1,862 words.

The world of Shadow Oaks is owned by TheStalkerBunny on tumblr. It is a brilliant piece of work and I recommend reading more about it HERE.

Content warning:
sexual content

Malinka: Hey Becky, I have a kinda serious thing I wanna talk about, is now a good time? It’s…..embarrassing, so please promise you’ll keep it between the two of us, ok?

Becky: ya

Becky: im gud at keepin secrets

Becky: no body thinks i am tho cos im so gud nobody even nos i HAVE secrets

Malinka: Okay but this one is EMBARRASSING there’s completely different stakes this time.

Becky: o

Becky: that ok i can tell u sumthin embarassing if u like n then u hav eqil grund with me

Malinka: Ummm no that’s okay. You don’t have to.

Malinka: I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page first.

Malinka: Also: promise you won’t make fun of me? :c

Becky: of corse i wont make fun of u!!!

Becky: is it that embarasing?

Malinka: It’s

Malinka: Um

Malinka: Okay so

Malinka: Baloney and I are like

Malinka: Becoming *intimate*

Malinka: And

Malinka: I don’t know what I’m doing

Malinka: Pls help?

Becky: intimate like… sex?

Malinka: yeah

Malinka: Unless there’s some other kind of intimate that I’m unaware of

Becky: well

Becky: theres lots of typs of intimat

Becky: platonic intimac is big !

Becky: like me n jezzi 🙂

Becky: we r friends but no thing sex

Becky: but like good call telling me not 2 make fun

Becky: cos like

Becky: i wuld have LOL u saw me wen adam did

Malinka: 😡

Malinka: …………yes I mean sex.

Malinka: Look, I don’t……have the same “experience” you do.

Becky: that ok

Becky: ok like

Becky: most important quston 4 u

Becky: do u trust balomby with ur hole sole ?

Malinka: Becky there are so many things wrong with what you just said I don’t even know where to begin

Becky: o?

Malinka: YES I trust him.

Malinka: But I don’t wanna look DUMB

Becky: fair

Malinka: Or make a mistake or even hurt him or something!

Malinka: I don’t know what could go wrong!!

Becky: o ye lots can go rong

Becky: but like no thing worth stressing over

Becky: also frum wat i no balony is a vigin 2 so like he has nothing 2 compar u 2

Becky: u r a virgo rite?

Malinka: okay i know i said not to make fun of me but that doesn’t mean you can be mean to baloney either

Becky: not bean mean??

Malinka: ………..yes i am a virgin.

Malinka: hence why I am asking you. For advice.

Malinka: have…..have you ever slept with a Tabaxi before?

Malinka: Not that it matters a lot I guess but,

Malinka: It’d be good to know that you know what the anatomy is like, y’know?

Malinka: I think

Malinka: I mean, for all I know it might not

Becky: oh ye lol ive slept with loads of taxis before

Becky: ive gotten loads of loads if u will

Becky: it doessnt really matter accept that u might want to at lest look at sum pics be 4 u go 2 balon y cos some times they look funny and u dont want to laugh at it

Malinka: okay before we go any further: don’t call us ‘taxis’

Malinka: It’s not *wrong* but it IS weird

Malinka: And secondly: what…….what do you mean they look ‘funny’

Becky: hav u ever seen a penes b4?

Becky: any race

Becky: they look like if a finger and a fish had a deformed baby and that baby was deflated

Malinka: um

Malinka: i mean, i’ve seen pictures?

Malinka: in a book

Becky: medical or porn?

Malinka: ……….thats all I got

Becky: cos they r not the same lol

Malinka: I guess it would fall under ‘medical’

Malinka: DEFINITELY wasn’t porn

Becky: good then u have a better grasp than a lot of girls

Becky: cos if u hav only seen porn u have only seen the 1% of the best

Becky: medical shit preps u for the left hooks

Becky: literally left hooks some do that

Malinka: what do you mean ‘LEFT’

Malinka: I know there’s barbs but

Malinka: is it gonna hurt??

Malinka: how tf are we supposed to use a condom????

Becky: sum just

Becky: go left

Becky: its funny but if u laugh at a left dick u will NOT be have sex trust me boys aparently do not find it as funny as they shuld

Becky: barbs do not hurt theyre like… cartlage

Becky: like portias skin! not pain ful

Malinka: BECKY

Malinka: why WHY would you describe it like that

Malinka: now i have to live with that thought in my head

Becky: and their r specal condim s 4 tabaxi i can giv u sum i hav sum from a wile a go just cchek they in date

Becky: if not nbd just go raw lol

Malinka: :/

Malinka: im…ya know what thats ok i’ll figure something out

Malinka: maybe baloney has some already

Malinka: okay, so like……..

Malinka: how

Malinka: do you um

Malinka: start it.

Malinka: like start being sexy i mean.

Becky: o that is a hard 1 like

Becky: my 1st time was uh

Becky: not done 4 a good reson like u. ur doing the good way 🙂

Becky: start by talking 2 him

Becky: tell him u want 2 do stuff

Becky: talking is sexy porn is VERY wrong about it not being sexy

Becky: its ok 2 tell joke and laugh and stuff b4 hand

Becky: ur main goal is 2 b relaxing and happy and 🙂 feelings

Becky: go slow n use hands 1st

Becky: and if it hurts STOP and relax cos people say “oooh it hurts” NO it NOT MEN 2

Malinka: good to know

Malinka: i mean, we’ve already kinda discussed it a little

Malinka: i was just thinking like

Malinka: how do you actually get them “in the mood” i guess

Becky: oh uh

Becky: well i usually just ask n most people i ask r already horny LOL but

Becky: put on a nice movie that you dont have to pay atntion 2

Becky: lay close 2 gether

Becky: let him no wat u want with words b4 hand of course but then like

Becky: let him no with little touches

Becky: every boy like different place. most like thigh and chest and neck tho

Becky: littol kissies on his cheek and stuff

Becky: find where he responds 2 and just gently focus on that

Malinka: ok. Thank u.

Malinka: that was

Malinka: weird

Malinka: anyway: what about like. Cleanup and hygiene and stuff

Malinka: I’d prefer not to make a mess.

Becky: ok 4 clean up

Becky: old towl helps

Becky: condom good 4 that 2

Becky: shower before he cums over (and he shuld shower 2)

Becky: use loob 2

Becky: wrap condom in tissue when dun if u dont want spilling in bin


Becky: no stress enugh i used 2 not do that

Becky: it bad 4 u very bad

Becky: u do not want fire vagina

Malinka: WHAT



Becky: isa called it a uti

Becky: it wen u get outside backteria in the pee hole by accident

Becky: it feels like ur pussy is on FIRE

Becky: and u gotta get meds from a dr 4 it 2 and that is embarass

Becky: BUT that ONLY happen if u do not CLEAN properly

Becky: so PEE and make balony SHOWER first

Malinka: ummm okay??

Malinka: Baloney’s pretty tidy tho….

Malinka: do i have to pee like, right away?

Becky: sooner better but like u have a 5 min window id give

Becky: like if u do it in the woods n need 2 go home 2 pee that is ok

Becky: also he shuld pee 2 its not as big a deal 4 guys but i red it CAN happen so may b give him head up

Becky: also like

Becky: it can also b mostly avoided if u just

Becky: dont put things that shouldnt b near there… near there

Becky: any way is there any thing else? i have many answers but also like idk wat u no

Malinka: um

Malinka: I don’t think so…

Malinka: I mean, I guess I sorta know what to expect now?

Becky: o u NEVER no wat 2 expect with sex

Malinka: 😐

Malinka: That’s……not reassuring

Malinka: goddamnit okay: please tell me whats like, the WORST case scenario.

Malinka: so I can at least be prepared

Malinka: IF it happens

Becky: worse case scenario i can THINK of is u catch on fire

Becky: worst case thats actually ever happen 2 me was uh

Becky: he came

Becky: then he was like

Becky: y do u wanna keep go? girls dont cum

Becky: may or may not have smacked him very hard

Becky: but balon is nice so like

Becky: worst i can imagine with him is like

Becky: candom breaks or he has a bit of trouble with his penis being nervous

Becky: both fixable

Malinka: Oh

Malinka: Okay that’s

Malinka: I can handle that I think

Becky: but like otherwise its just

Becky: sorta like masterbation with a friend involved lol

Becky: just make him do what u like 2 do to urself

Malinka: I don’t

Malinka: Becky I don’t get a lot of privacy in my house

Malinka: Hardly anyone ever knocks

Malinka: My dad BUSTS IN like he’s trying to break my door down sometimes

Malinka: And Bird’s starting to figure out how to open doors + window latches

Becky: oh if u need sum were privat i can like help?

Malinka: No.

Malinka: Please don’t.

Malinka: I know you’re trying to help but

Malinka: Somehow that is worse

Becky: OH actually other worse case i had was the time i started glowing and accidently tthrew jareth sideways in 2 m y bedside table LOL but thats druid stuff

Malinka: glowing???????

Malinka: like, ACTUALLY glowing????

Becky: ye GLOWING like a lamp LOL

Becky: ill have 2 show u sum time

Becky: its not a sex thing its like

Becky: wen i get REALLY relax i just

Becky: glow

Becky: and im getting better at trigger it! 🙂

Becky: also how is it worse?

Malinka: IT JUST IS!!!


Becky: woa ok relax


Becky: i ment like i culd chip in 2 get u a hotel room or u culd tell ur dad u were staying at mine over nite lol thats all

Becky: ok tho but b4 you go

Becky: [link]

Becky: that is good sex shop

Becky: has lots of good help stuff like lub an d condom 🙂 usually get here within week

Malinka: Oh! Um, thanks. Good to know.

Becky: also this

Becky: [link]

Becky: its tecnicly porn but it is like

Becky: GOOD porn and helpful realistic


Becky: y not?



Becky: ok ok okkkkkkkkk chill

Becky: ilu!! byyyyye


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